Of course, any time there was a problem, it was my fault, and any time something went well, it was someone else’s doing.

It felt like everything opening up in every part of my body, like my body was made up of one hundred million tiny knots and every one of them came untied at once and then I was melting, sinking like soft pudding.

I didn’t want this. But that meant, as far as I could tell, I didn’t want anything. And not wanting anything anymore was the worst thing of all. It was like all the color had vanished from life.

I knew I was being stupid, but I couldn’t help it. Once bitten, twice shy, and all that. I’d been bitten about a dozen times and had about two dozen shynesses left to work through because of it.

I didn’t know how to live life. It was frustrating, and I was lost.

I was so sure we’d be together ten years from then, [...], with the same bond as ever. We said lofty things like friends forever, that we’d be there at each other’s weddings, even though we were a thousand miles apart.

Childhood innocence was a hell of a drug.

I was a failure as a human being, and everyone around me knew it. And no matter what I did, the only thing any of them would do was point and laugh, and I was damnably tired of being the object of their amusement.I didn’t want to live like this anymore.

My whole damn life was wrong.

Take some time to get over her, to get back to town, and maybe then you can think about girls. Or boys.” I wrinkled my nose. “Think I’ll pass on the boys.” He arched an eyebrow. “What happened to being bisexual?” “I am attracted to men,” I said. “And I choose to do nothing about that attraction.